maja golden

I was born in the Philippines but moved to Dubai at the age of 3 because of my dad’s job and there I spent 14 years of my life. From what I can remember…..and my sister can testify to this, cause if you ask my parents, they’d be too gracious to say anything terrible about me but I was a very very very angry and bitter girl. Most of you that I know here have met me after I had already fully surrendered to Christ, so being an angry person is not how you would see me AT ALL… but I was.

I grew up in a Christian home so its second nature to go to church and do all the "churchy" things but I still compromised to the world and I got myself in situations that I knew shouldn't be in. I was in a battle and didn’t even know it.

Between the ages of 12 to 14 I did not speak to either of my parents unless I WANTED something and to add to that I was always angry at EVERYTHING so when my sister left for Texas, I got worse.

 

However, God’s plan for my life was greater and my parents, especially my mother was so faithful in prayer for me and truly trusted God to bring me back as a soldier for His kingdom that that’s just what God did as He used the people around me for His glory and my good.

From the ages of 15 to 18… I was God’s strong soldier… I was active with our church youth ministry...then I moved to Windsor, Canada, turned 19 and I was legal to drink… to which I decided that Christianity can be bent to fit MY NEEDS and I decided to hang out with the Devil. Most people that get to know Matt and I where we are at now... know us to be God’s warriors, strong in our faith, servants to our God and to each other… but right now I want to bare it all out and open up a part of both of our lives that we spent together without God in our relationship.

Most people who get to know us now think that we’ve always had such a fantastic God-centered relationship but we didn’t start out as a faithful, serving couple to each other. It was the exact opposite. If it wasn’t for God’s strong hands chiseling us, we would be destroying each other so deeply and so dangerously. 

 

When Matt & I met, it wasn’t ideal. We were both at a Halloween party on October 2005 and even though we were designated drivers that evening, most of the parties we attended, consisted of untamed tongues, degrading music and lots of alcohol.

To add to that already dangerous mix... Matt had just gotten out of a long term dysfunctional relationship and I was having an identity crisis having moved around so much and trying desperately to fit into my new home in Windsor. My relationship with Matt wasn’t glorifying to God, but something in his heart and mine kept us together and I believe that most of it was out of pure selfishness because we were so attracted to each other.

We were both young, trying to find our identity in all the wrong places and putting our hopes in each other. His expectations of me and my expectations of him were so skewed but we held on to them so tightly. This fallen world taught us that love could be found in people, sex, shopping, manipulation, money… you know what I’m talking about, the list goes on!

When I was 20, I led a double life. I’m sure there are a handful of people here that can relate to this.
 

On days that I wasn’t being “Christian”, I was out shopping for clothes I could wear to a bar for some weekend "fun" with some friends. I would buy clothes that would make me look sexy, as the world would describe as beautiful, even though I knew it was far from beautiful and more provocative but that’s what I thought the man I wanted to attract would want me to wear. After all, if the world says it’s ok... it should be right? YIKES!

During that time I also started going to Bible study again with my family, attending church as my mother requested of me… I asked Matt to come to church with me too… but it was because it was required of him to make me happy… even though I didn’t know who I was going to church to worship. It was just another check mark on my list of standards for the man I would spend the rest of my life with… we all have that check list and my list included: a man who would show me love through jealousy to fight for my affection, a man who would show me a good time so that our relationship never got old. That was Matt to me. He fulfilled all of those. And before you can say “Awww.” This check list of mine was distorted because it didn’t include God. It was everything that I thought I wanted and needed from a man, but the truth is, I didn’t know what I wanted or needed. I was lost. We both were. We fulfilled each other’s worldly desires so perfectly. And by perfectly, I meant perfectly worldly.

The jealousy that I thought I wanted from him, was destructive, but the world said that that’s what men are; destructive.
The way he fought for my affection was numbing, but the world said that that’s how men should be; numb to everything.
The way we celebrated our time together was only for that moment and the world said enjoy it because it won’t last forever. That’s just it. We both refused to live for what’s forever.

Matt and I had a perfectly worldly relationship for 5 years. We fought – nonstop, we cried – a lot, we compromised – in everything, we broke each other to a point of bitterness and desperation for more dysfunction because it became normal. God was missing but we didn’t believe that He was real and powerful enough to change anything. I only knew bible verses through Sunday school and Youth group. Every time I left church, there was emptiness. My relationship with Matt was slowly dying and I knew this but I didn’t want to accept it. Matt was my best friend… yet I knew so little of him. 5 years and all we shared were days and nights we didn’t want to remember. We didn’t have any meaningful conversations. We were really just acquaintances who took advantage of each other.

February of 2009 was when God pulled me out of the mess I had created. I chose to be baptized as an adult at the church that we attend in Windsor. March of 2009 was when Matt and I broke up. I no longer wanted to bend God to how I needed Him and force Matt to fit my skewed standards. I had to let God chisel me to how I was created to live.

I realized that I had spent 5 years trying to change Matt to fit my check list, that didn’t include God. I wanted Matt to be right with God when I wasn’t right with God. I was so unfair. I want you all to know that Matt is a wonderful man. I was so connected with him because we were both fighting a battle to rid each other of our selfishness but we couldn’t quite get there… not without God. Matt and I were not good for each other because of that.

When I fully surrendered my control and my relationship to God was when God truly showed me just how amazing and powerful He is. Matt and I broke up, and though it was hard, I was at peace about it. I surrendered Matt to God and I was ready to never be his “girl” anymore. Yes, of course I cried but then God gave me peace, peace that I couldn’t have felt if it wasn’t for God’s leading. And I only felt that peace because I finally decided to stop living in sin!

Philippians 4:7 was right. I prayed to God and He answered and 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. For Matt’s journey with Christ to continue and to strengthen, I had to step out of the way even if it meant losing him because he will be gaining more of Christ in his life. It wasn’t in my time to help him get closer to God and it wasn’t in MY TERMS. God was teaching me to surrender everything like Christ gave His life for me when I was most undeserving. God wanted me to surrender the mindless drinking and partying, the need to shop to fulfill my vanity, the need to follow the world to be accepted. I was ready to be different, to stand out as a warrior of God even if the world thought I was crazy. God promised me through His word in the Bible that He will be with me and will strengthen me and I finally put my trust in Him.

Aside from the break up, it was a difficult transition to stop going to bars and dance clubs. At first I tried to reason out that, since I wasn’t getting drunk, and I was limiting myself to just one drink, that it was still ok for me to go and have fun with my friends, dancing. But the truth is, there is no fulfillment going to bars for me anymore. The last time I was at a bar, I stood there and realized that all those people who are drinking their lives away are just crying for help, for a reason to live. Their blood is on my hands, it is my responsibility to show them the love of Christ and how can I do that if I am there… doing nothing but laughing at how silly they are in their drunkenness. Am I to approach them and share Christ while they are intoxicated? No. The best thing I can do to further God’s kingdom at that point is to study God’s word, get closer to Him, so that in everything I do, HE is glorified. And when He sees that I am fit to do His work in the world, He will equip me and present opportunities to me.

For God to be glorified, I had to stop being selfish in keeping Matt for myself for the fear of being alone. My full surrender of the relationship with Matt felt painless for the most part. I didn’t complain to anyone, I didn’t cry to anyone picking apart all the aspects of the relationship that had seemed to go wrong. I just felt a tug in my heart and God saying, “Maja it’s time for you to let me handle this for you.” I wanted control and God said it’s not my place to have control.

I am confident that if a relationship (romantic or not) isn’t good, it’s because both individuals aren’t good for each other and are truly just hurting each other by holding on to what they think is RIGHT or what will cause LESS pain... The truth is that we are all lacking something within us when we hang onto a relationship, hoping to fill a void that only God can fill. Any relationship not glorifying to God is bound to produce the fruits of endless pain and suffering and unsettling unhappiness and I believe that God will deliver His children from the pain they are causing themselves in dysfunctional relationships if they LET HIM.

I finally let God deliver me from that pain that would have destroyed not just me and Matt, but everyone else who we both came in contact with. People that are coming to God because we share the gospel with them now, would not have known God if we weren’t obedient. Let me stress to you that this isn’t an on again, off again break up like most teenagers have. We weren’t teenagers anymore. We were young adults who had invested 5 years of our lives to each other. This break was the real deal. We didn’t talk to each other over the phone or see each other for months. There were some text messages sent, but it only pertained to “God talk” We didn’t tell each other we missed one another and how we wished we could be together again. It was done. It was my desire to be with Matt and his to be with me but I didn’t want that desire to trample on God’s plans. So I let God have His way, FINALLY.

God wanted me to let go so that Matt, like myself, on his own, can find his way to Christ. Which he did… and God surprised me by bringing us back together, healed and ready for an adventure with God as our priority. It all fell into place.

Even though I had to break my heart and Matt’s and give up the relationship, I believe Matt surrendered it to God first.

See, Matt had been planning to propose since November of 2008... (Now remember, we broke up in 2009 the year after he had already been planning this proposal.) The night he proposed he gave me a letter that detailed the days and weeks of what went through his mind and what he asked God to do so that he could be the right man for me. He asked God to show him what he needed work on and God answered his prayers by answering mine and giving me the strength to pull away so that Matt could grow closer to God.

In my double life, I had always prayed for God to guide me and help open my eyes to make sure everything I did was glorifying to Him. I prayed that prayer for so long without really making a point to listen to God’s voice and be obedient to His word. God was showing me what I needed to change but I was too stubborn and prideful to accept that I needed to repent and that I needed a Savior. He couldn’t answer my prayers or give me the desires of my heart because I wasn’t going letting Him mould me to appreciate the desires of my heart. Living in sin made me not appreciate anything I had.

I’ve learned, that sometimes prayers aren’t answered the way we want. I am pretty sure Matt & I didn’t ask God for a break up but that was God’s answer for a better future. A future that people we know are excited to be a part of because of the love that Matt and I have for God and for each other.

God used other people to reach me using His word during my time of transition in 2009. Before I got baptized, our Pastor’s wife sent me an email with a verse I hold close to my heart, this same verse was on a key chain and journal that was given to me all in the same month…

The verse is Proverbs 3:5-6 5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

I also want to share that after I shared my testimony with that verse on Proverbs at the Bernard’s BBQ, my husband and I got a letter from our sponsored compassion child, Merry Joy from the Philippines and the verse she had decided to share with us is that verse from Proverbs. Just another way that God is using people to encourage my heart as I obey His will for my life.

God has been so patient with me, the least I can do is be patient in waiting for him to answer my prayers. I know now that God always listens. He won’t give me something I ask for when He knows it will eventually destroy me. I realize that God may answer my prayers in a minute, a day or 10 years from now… I also realize that when God answers my prayers, it may not look like how I wanted it to.

Matt and I have been married for 3 years now (2013). Although we are young in our marriage, God has taught us so much. A verse that I want to share with you in regards to that is this...
1 Timothy 4:12  (NLT)
12 Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.

We may be young, not only in our marriage, but God equipped us to share our love and faith to His people in every way possible. Everything we do… we do for Christ and that’s what makes my marriage as strong as it is. I am certain that 50 years from now, Matt and I will be just as in love, if not more, with God and with each other.

During the time that Matt & I were engaged (which was long, about a year and 3 months)...several people said we shouldn’t wait too long because the temptation would be too overwhelming. I’m not going to say that we didn’t fight hard to stay non-intimate with each other because we fought for it but the reason for Matt asking me to marry him and for me accepting his love for this life is because we wanted to be warriors for Christ. Being intimate was just a bonus. Our purpose for marriage wasn’t sex.

Since Matt lived in Michigan and I lived in Canada... it was a hassle to cross the border some nights so my parents would let him stay at our house and his parents let me stay at his. At my parents’ house he would sleep in the room downstairs and I would sleep in the room upstairs. At his parents’ house, I would sleep in the basement and he would sleep in his room. People were wondering why we didn’t just move in together for convenience... that was not even a possibility for us. It went against everything we said we believed in. Living together for convenience... that’s not how I want to start my marriage, so of course we didn’t do that. Then people said... well why don’t you just sleep in the same bed... you’ll be married anyway... that’s beside the point. We want to do it right, we want to live by God’s standards the best we can because we fall short so much already. We can’t call ourselves Christians and live in sin. We didn’t want to be those types of ‘Christians.’

When people ask me for advice on relationships… I always share my experience in how I serve God through my love for my husband. Matt explains it so well... and I may butcher this… but here goes…We are all imperfect but that doesn’t give us the license to screw up, all the time. Our love for each other will never be as perfect as God’s love for us, what is perfect is God, if we have God in our life and if we strive to do the very best we can for God, then we do our best for our spouses, friends and family. We only have one audience… so Matt and I keep our focus on God, our only audience.

Now a days, having truly surrendered to God and trusting in His will, on days that I ‘selfishly’ feel like I’ve been wronged by my husband, I remember the cross, and God saying, “I know what it’s like.” And I am quick to repent and ask God to get my heart right… God then takes my focus away from what I had thought Matt did wrong, and towards what I, as a Matt’s wife and Matt’s best friend, should do to understand him and to encourage him to focus on God. I fully trust that everything my husband does is for the glory of the Lord… and this helps me focus on every good thing that God gives me and every good thing that my husband does. So that every negative will become so small that I won’t even notice it.

I was given a book written by Martha Peace titled “The Excellent Wife.” Matt often refers to me as his Proverbs 31 wife and this is the basis of this book. My excitement to read this book was beyond explanation. But it was a tough book to read. The sacrifices that a wife has to make daily would cause an uprising in this “independent women” world that we live in. A beginning statement that I carry in my heart states, “God’s will for every Christian wife is that her most important ministry be to her husband (Genesis 2:18). After a wife’s own personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, nothing else should have greater priority. Her husband should be the primary benefactor of his wife’s time and energy, not the recipient of what may be left over at the end of the day.” I don’t know about you, but that is powerful to me.
 

God created man so he can lead, not just at home but also at work and everywhere he goes where he makes contact with people. A wife, me, I am created to be the HELP MEET to my husband so that I can support him at home and he can to continue to lead!

Had I not tended to my ministry of service at home… I wouldn’t really grasp just what having a servant’s heart was really like. Through this past year, God showed me just how important my ministry is to my husband in the meals I cook, the laundry, the house cleaning, the hugs when he gets home…by serving the home in which my husband worked hard to provide for, so he can come home to a wife that served him FULL TIME, is a blessing! I desire to embody the AGAPE love that Christ showed us at the cross, to my husband, so that he is reminded daily of God’s love for him, through me so that he can embody that love towards other people that he meets.
 

When Matt and I were preparing for our wedding, we prayed so faithfully for God to be the center of it all and as we washed each other’s feet at our wedding, just as Jesus did with his disciples as an act of humility, we took that role as a servant, quite literally when it came to each other’s needs and the needs of our peers.

If you haven’t already been taught, washing another's feet is an act of humility when we perform it as Christ instructs us. It should indeed be done with a humble attitude which will help us realize how important Christ's example is to us today. The foot washing ceremony, recorded in John 13:1-17, allows us a window into the character of our Savior. Jesus Christ, by His actions, made it very clear that He would not expect anything from us that He was not willing to do Himself. Humility is something that we all desperately need to embody. We have no right to complain about anything that goes on in the world until we have rid ourselves of our selfishness. No one’s sin is bigger than ours. We are all sinners, fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23).

My relationship with my family and with Matt was dysfunctional because it was filled with LOVE for self- fulfillment rather than love for God and others. My marriage is filled with such unconditional love today because God is our priority in everything we do and because my husband and I wake up every day ready to serve each other and get to know each other better giving us a healthier understanding of what it really means to die to ourselves. We welcome each day that God gives us by having the servant attitude of how can I serve you, rather than waking up every day feeling that sense of ENTITLEMENT that I DESERVE RESPECT.

In Matthew 22:39, God said to love your neighbour like yourself. He didn’t say love your neighbour like yourself but ONLY IF he loves you back. I trust God with my life so deeply that if I wake up tomorrow and my husband no longer desires to show me affection the way he used to or care to love me like he used to, I will continue to love and care for him because my vow to my husband in the presence of God and my family was to submit myself to Matt as his wife as I have submitted myself to the Lord for as long as God gives me life on this earth. And that command that God gave us isn’t just for our spouse, family or friends, it’s for everyone, yes, strangers too, because God said in Matthew 25:40, “whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did it for me.” Everything I do is because God gives me the strength I need to persevere, all for His glory and not mine.

My hope in sharing my story is not tell you how to live but to share with you my experience in hopes that God has moved your heart to want to make the necessary changes you need to make to be right with God, to stop living in sin. As Pastor & author, Francis Chan put it, “Give up Christ or give up your sin... but you can’t have both.” God can and will change your life if you let Him. That's just the kind of God we serve.

I know God is real because He changed my life and Matt’s. 

I am here today, as LIVING PROOF of God’s discipline, love, grace and mercy.

I want to end with this thought that my husband shared with me after a conversation with one of our close friends:
If you are a Christian here today, you call yourself a Christian because you love Jesus Christ and you understand His sacrifice to save you and your responsibility to spread that God news. You certainly have people in your life who don’t know God and don’t read the bible. What if you are the only Bible they will ever read while they are here on earth? Your example in the way you treat your parents, spouse, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, strangers... what if the way you do your job, is the only example they see of Christ’s love and sacrifice? Are you living in a way that makes people ask you about the true joy found in the God you serve or are you living in a way that makes Christ’s sacrifice for us a joke?

Listent to OPEN HANDS by Matt Papa. At this time I encourage you to let the words to this song really settle in your hearts. If there are changes you need to make, do it for Christ. We are called to make disciples of all nations as we read in Matthew 28:19. We live in a world of “What can I do for myself... how is this affecting me... me...me... me..” this life was loaned to use by God. We need to live it out for His Glory Alone with OPEN HANDS.